


no rest for the weary

by EllaYuki



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Kanda POV, Light Angst, Positive ending, Post Alma Karma Arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 23:12:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12420216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllaYuki/pseuds/EllaYuki
Summary: after alma dies, it takes kanda a while to realise that he won’t be joining any time soon, and that there are still things that keep him tied to the land of the living.





	no rest for the weary

he wakes up.

he doesn't know how much time has passed, but he wakes up, and he's still in the ruins of mater, and he feels like his body is about to shatter, but somehow he's still alive.

he hates god for it. he hates him for not letting him rest, for not letting him go into the darkness with alma, with...

he shakes his head. tries to stand up. it takes him a few tries, because his knees keep buckling, keep shaking from even the smallest effort.

he buries alma's remains, what little of them are left, at the base of the pillar where he took his last breath. he digs as far down as he can, his fingers bleeding and healing and bleeding and healing.

after, there is no sign that there even is a grave there. it pains him, because he'd have liked to give his precious ones a nice resting place, but there's still a war our there, still people who would kill for alma's cells.

so he leaves the grave unmarked. it's better that way. he'll be the only one who knows. even the bean sprout won't know more than that it's somewhere in these ruins.

the thought of allen brings back the memories from the battle at the north american branch. memories of rage and pain and guilt. memories of what his precious alma had been turned into, of lashing out at anything and anyone in his way... of crown clown dissolving into thin air and mugen slicing through flesh and a gentle hand gripping his shoulder and that voice that's only been that soft for lenalee and children snapping him out of his blood red haze.

there are few things that have actually shocked kanda yuu in his short life, and allen walker letting himself be impaled just to stop kanda's berserker rage is very high up on that short list.

and kanda would like to tell himself he doesn't understand the why of it, but he does. because allen walker is both the bane of his existence and a self-sacrificing asshole who will do anything to protect those he considers allies or friends.

and of course, despite his best efforts, the bean sprout has always considered kanda an ally.

~

it takes him at least a week (he thinks) to realize that, not only does it look like he won't be dying of starvation, but also that his body is healing. slowly, but it's healing.

it takes him a few days more to realize that he cannot stop wondering about what happened at headquarters after the bean sprout sent them away. he can't, for the life of him, stop wondering what happened to the bean sprout. can't stop wondering, over and over again, if he turned into a noah in the end. and it makes his stomach do annoying things that taste too much like guilt.

and it eats at him. it eats at him like only one thing did in his life. and that helps make his decision easier.

two weeks later, he's back at the order, teasing lenalee about her puffy face and taking mugen back.

there are still things that need to be done.


End file.
